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pig i am working on
Although I
may seem to get a lot done, still in my heart I know I need to get more done
than I do. I am capable of more and even when I am at leisure I need to utilize
my time better, whether it is drawing or whatever. And Mr. word perfect is having its way with
me this morning as it seems I can get nowhere with this blog this morning
constantly making mistakes while I am writing I have to go back and correct as
I go along. This slows my train of thought and makes it tough to stay on
subject.
I regress as
I rant about why I can’t get more done or why it is such a hassle doing anything
it all. I doubt it is any different than anyone else when it comes to that
territory. For me I am driven by a need to make my life better for myself in
just a couple of years by making my home life something I am proud of instead
of feeling like I am ashamed to bring people into my home, plain and simple I
hate trailers. I saw one burn up one night as I went home through Mineral City
in an area called Windy City which stands for a small community of trailers
grouped together for people trying to escape the Chicago area and all its
violence. Apparently their effort to
escape the Chicago area and all its troubles didn’t unfortunately include fire
as it ravaged the trailer and firefighters were helpless to do anything about
it as I saw flames licking the bottom of tall oak trees thirty feet up on a
hill as I traveled on a road parallel to the fire as I went home to my trailer
to check my fire alarms. I passed fire trucks scurrying to carry water to the
top of the hill where hydrants were nonexistent to fight a fire that there was no
chance of ever stopping till it was complete in its devastation.
bear i am also working on
These things
are like wind tunnels of death just waiting to snare you with fire as it consumes
the cheap plywood paneling that seem to make up almost 90 percent of the
innards of these places. The floors are of a composite wood glued particle
board and even the plumbing will burn heartily, as the heat builds up inside
and the aluminum walls actually melt from the heat allowing more air to fuel
the fire and make devastation complete.
They say a trailer will be completely destroyed and engulfed in fire in
fifteen minutes and by the time of a half hour is passed even with the best
firefighting effort it will be a smoldering black mess. My distance away from
the fire department will only assure that the Magnolia fire department and its
reputation of being the called the best basement savers around will go
unscathed. So easily one could see my need to get to better accommodations than
what I have now is of pressing concern.
I inherited a
mess in some respects not unlike a lot I have encountered before. The trailer
being mated with the old house was probably ok years back but recently I have
encountered some electrical problems that have required me to do without
electricity in some areas of the trailer. Part of this is because of my
unwillingness to climb underneath the trailer to see what kind of connections
my brother installed between the two as I feel that may be the source of my
problem. Well my unwillingness to live out my life in a trailer is only
surpassed by my unwillingness to climb under the trailer for anything.
Multiple water
leaks forced me to install new water lines in the living area exposed on the
walls to make sure they are where heat will get to them to prevent freezing. I
have had to redo some drains only to the extent that I would do what I could do,
as long as I don’t have to climb under the trailer. I hate those places and
their cobwebs and damp ass fiberglass messes. When new they are not too bad.
But after a water leak or two and the insulation in the floor of them become damaged
they are a nightmare to keep them dry. I have no intention to do that. I am
getting to old to run out in the cold at night making sure my animals are ok
while I watch everything I own go up in smoke. This is what is driving me to
keep on going despite whatever obstacles I might encounter.
Every day since
I started the foundation for the addition I have been trying to put in at least
2 hours a day toward the building process. This is about as much as my back
will allow and still be able to keep up with other activities I try to plan on completing
daily. Some will say I should just pay someone else to do the work I can’t, or
is too hard for me to do. Well in theory that seems great, but in reality I am
like everyone else when it comes to paying for anything. I have to watch every
penny I spend and I can’t afford to take out a loan and it is up to me as an
heir to the farm not to burden the farm with unnecessary costs by having the
farm either pay for my needs, or to assume a loan to get done what I need to
do. Since legally I don’t really own the land and in reality only have a share
of the total farm, I can’t really get the farm to do anything for me they won’t
do for anyone else. In fact the only insurance I can get is renters insurance
and the insurance companies are not too crazy about giving me that. And the
main reason for that is the construction of my fine abode, whereby a trailer is
mated to a house. The age of the trailer is also a concern as well as the
wiring as it is aluminum and has been known to be a fire hazard.
I would hate to
lose everything and if I did, I think that would be it for me and my efforts at
trying to make home here. I guess as long as I could get out the best I can and
be able to save my animals, I would be able to start again but it would be
hard. So in the meantime I need to keep
on pushing myself to do more. I guess a will is also in order to make sure my wishes
are covered in the event something did happen. As it stands now I am entitled
to receive a share of the farm properties, without a will , my share would be
passed on to the family whether I wanted it that way or not. In some ways it
would be nice to see the property stay in the family but in that same respect
it would mean my life has been worth nothing, neglecting the endless hours of
work I have done on the farm without pay, trying to maintain in some form of
protecting the family investment. This will pass on to some who feel I have no
right to any part of it. It is for that reason alone I need to get my affairs
in order and pass my share to someone I feel deserves a chance to live their
lives in comfort of knowing they can live here without worry of moving in their
lifetime. Maybe after that I offer my share back to the family to fight over.
By then I am sure I will be a passing memory in all their minds.
So in some ways
, yes I am driven to make sure I take care of unfinished business and get
myself to a point where my life will be easier and all I will have to think
about is taking care of myself , my art and whoever will be in my life as a
partner at that point. Hopefully I will have left life’s hassles well behind.
Or do we ever get to that point?
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