its a bear day                                

  so anyhow there was this alaskan and a texan pissing off golden gate bridge and the texan looks over at the alaskan and says 'man that water is cold,' and of course the alaskan returns , 'yes and it is deep too!' to say the least people can say a lot of things. some are better at it than others .
    at this point i intend to bring about one of my dads favorite nonsensical sayings or utterances. and as we knew it when we were kids , his grunting s. after having said 'shit' at the supper table and immediately feeling like shit as the glares all looked at this fat ten year old with a mouth problem( didn't know when to keep it shut) , dad in his own way and without missing a beat, immediately seized on the moment and says,' i wouldn't have in my hand what you just had in your mouth. '
   it seemed he had a saying for just about everything imaginable and some not. and when they wouldn't work or he couldn't think of them then it was pull my finger time. oh how many times i imagined his finger was actually tied to his butt hole and if i pulled hard enough and ran fast enough , he would not only lose his finger but would shit himself. it would only serve him right in my mind than to humiliate a kid into smelling his god awful farts.
           and if dad was here he would say at this point:
                                   beans , beans , magical fruit
                                   the more you eat the more you toot.
                                   the more you toot,
                                   the better you feel .
                                   eat your beans with every meal.


   so there was this alaskan and this texan and they were in alaska both working on the alaska pipeline and were drinking after work in this eskimo bar, and this texan was going on about how big the state of texas was and how everything was big in texas. well the eskimo didnt fall out of the igloo yesterday and was just about fed up with the texans ranting , so he says to the texan " we have had just about enough of you going on about texas , if you are going to stay here need you to perform an initiation us eskimos do all the time to show manhood. just drink 2 bottles of vodka straight down and kill a bear and screw an eskimo lady".
        well the texan replied " nothing to it" . he grabs the first bottle of vodka up and downs it and grabs the second bottle up and chugs it down and staggers to the door. and says "which way is that bear " drunkenly.
       a couple of days go by and here is this knock on the bar door . they open the door and here is this frozen texan ,  his parka tore to shreds and can bearly speak , and he says " now where that eskimo lady you wanted killed?'
       life is like that , somedays you get the bear and somedays the bear gets you.