reflection time

Why am I Doing This?

         I know as well as you do I need a purpose behind heading back into my past and reliving those moments when I was a youth. Not that I had such a spectacular life, but I guess it is more like to me at the time, my most spectacular moments good and bad.  Maybe this isn’t a blog for all of you but more for me. Some of you have been blessed to have someone in your life for and for most of that life to share the experience of the ups and downs of life, and in ways record the events like the first time you caught Johnny in his bedroom looking at a Playboy magazines, surely you have a whole life of memories locked up in both of your heads to share if one goes down. The time you were married , and walked down the aisle together, or say the time you were drunk at your sister in laws wedding, and  your significant other still has never forgot about that one as it almost wrecked your marriage.

       Sadly to say I have had a lot of women in my life as it seems the ones I wanted, didn’t want me or I was too shy to show myself in a way to attract them. Some I did persuade to be with me, but it never worked out for one reason or another, and still as I sit here today I am alone again naturally. It is what it is, I am afraid if I don’t tell my stories to someone soon, even I may forget them.

       This timeline of jobs I have had, also correspond to women I have had, and in some cases it’s a tale of broken hearts and lost dreams , still they are mine as long as I can keep them . But what if someday I am no longer able to remember , what if I am suddenly diagnosed with the big A ,whatever that is I forget,  what or who is going to remember to tell me what I did years ago, if I can’t even remember myself? There is no one. I wrote a book in my blog and I have gone back and looked at it several times.  As I read here on the blog to see just exactly what it is other people see in my writing that at times makes it appealing, and when I read what I have wrote, I go back to that time when I was furiously trying to push out 4 pages a day. I read what was wrote, I really didn’t feel it was all that great, but rereading it has taught me some things. It really wasn’t that bad either, in fact I was surprised that even I the author was writing it. Would I have changed it?  In some cases I doubt if I would change it that much.

     There are lessons still to be learned and areas I need to improve on but for the most part I seem to do ok. So when I started the timeline of jobs I thought to myself , do I really want to go there,  as sometimes the stories will get personal after all they are about me, and my experiences growing to this point in my life.  I thought that maybe it would be nice someday to have some record in case I did lose it all, (don’t worry I know where my marbles are , they are on the table in a jar and I have a bunch in a box up in my wood shop that I use for bears and such, and I always know where to order more). Or say for instance I do finally meet Mrs. Right, wow wouldn’t it be nice to have an owner’s manual you could refer to when dating a new slightly well used old fart like me. Perhaps it may be to remind myself while I can just what this life was all about.

    After all it is a collection of stories from the time you were a baby till you die. Every day is a story and you are the author. It is your story and in some cases like me where I am not married and have no one to answer to , I get to tell the story of each day as I like to, and in the end we all want a happy ending. That isn’t always as easy as death creeps upon us, and loved ones always grieve for those times again.

    Let’s just say I am remembering those times while I can and for what reason, I don’t know except to say I can. If I was to write every day the rest of my life I still could never tell the full story of all my friends and what each individual person I have encountered meant to me , or for that matter what I meant to them. All I can do is try to live my life and tell what stories I can, and if you my readers happen to fall in there some place, I just say sorry if it is unflattering and the truth, or it is a memory I always want to cherish. Especially if I have Alzheimer’s or just need a reason for just one more day.

    When I started the blog I had no idea what I was doing or even what a blog was, but when I talk to friends, they say keep up the good work as if to encourage me to go on like they would little Johnny after he has fallen off his tricycle for the third time knowing little Johnny may not be too bright or coordinated but they have hopes he will be president someday. Yes that is the type of encouragement I receive and I am thankful for it all. Just call me Scabby and know that despite the cuts and bruises and scars, I will persevere in a direction I am not completely clear with in this blog, but I hope in the process will entertain or infuriate you. Bless you all friends and enemies, for giving me fodder of life to make some feed.

     I shall return to the timeline tomorrow to finish my Apple Creek series of jobs and remembrances.