ALL IS FORGIVEN
Easier said
than done, Granted forgiven, but never forgotten.
Gee, I was looking through my
files and I came across this piece I started some time ago and will now have to
figure out when it was written and what issues in my life led to this
conclusion as I write along here. Presently I am clueless but can remember writing
this and yet not quite sure what it was all about, except I had some personal
issue I was thinking about and had some strong emotional feelings that prompted
me to write. Sometimes when I am at an impasse in life I have a tendency to
write my feelings out and I feel this may have been part of it. I will guess it
started with my last girlfriend, as I tried to write away the misery.
Next I could
have come from either of my dad issues, my real dad or my step dad. Both at
times had some real issues. Maybe I was trying to atone for their sins, as if I
am the one who should be responsible for that. Another possible source could be
these beautiful Ohio grey days. It is sometimes like living in the world’s biggest
bong and visibility beyond a couple hundred feet us almost nil. You take in a
breath of pure moisture but release none and your mind becomes as cloudy and
grey as the day. It is on these days I have a tendency to drift away and try to
write. Maybe this day is as far as I was able to write, as things got foggy.
The title is
possibly a start to another novel I was going to write, the first two sentences
is as far as I was able to make it. I’m sure I had a plot and may have had some
mental notes but thought that maybe the subject title was too heavy handed at
the time or possibly something else pulled me away and I am now just getting back
to writing. Now if I could just find those damn mental notes I had. I am sure
they are not in the computer I already checked.
I am going to check
the creation date and this should give me some idea where my head was at this time,
and maybe it might spur my memory. I am just hoping it had nothing to do with
my last gf as I felt that I was pretty well over that. Before I go back and
check I need to state on my behalf that maybe she knew what she was doing. She kept
saying she had commitment issues and should not be in a relationship,
considering how things turned out, I tend to believe she was right this time. I
seem to have little belief that the woman is always right in these issues and
of course they being the ones I tend to like the most tell me I have reality
issues and I have a hard time accepting. Maybe I do and this must be what the
book title is about if there is one, all this looks way to formal for just a
letter to an ex. Then again if it is an ex why bother with the letter anyhow. I
am just trying to wrap my head around all the possibilities and as I dig deeper
into my grey folds. I realize this could be about a variety of things and still
may be all fiction and quite rightly nothing. Standing alone the title and the first
two sentences says a lot. That where it starts to pale though, and when I try to
sort the white from the black and I still end up in the grey funk of Ohio.
I look back and
it is created 4-09, 2011. Wow kinda blows my mind as it predates my last
Girlfriend(GF) and leaves me in middle of nowhere. April 9th 2011 ,
quite a while back and must have been soon after I received my last new laptop.
Maybe it was a experimentation but still feel from the title it has to almost
do with a woman. Most of my emotional events that prompt writings of this sort are
usually associated with this type of behavior on my part. It may easily have had something to do with an
old GF from New York I also liked . I will go and check for all the pics I have
from around that time and see what I was up to and my frame of mind at the
time. Also possibly it will also give me a clue as to who I was seeing or had just
saw, prior to that.
This whole article
I am writing is like being a detective asking just what was Kevin doing on April
9 2011. Amazingly enough I’m enough of computer junkie I can almost figure with
some accuracy just what I was doing on that day. I will check for pics prior to
that day and afterward as well as on that day. Then I can go to my Facebook
page and possibly get a clue there. And any emails I might have that I haven’t deleted.
It’s amazing when you start thinking about how wrapped up we are in technology
and in some cases can use it to restore our memory to some degree. I guess
hence the reason for diaries or journals. Speaking of that I just remembered I might
have a blog from that date as I have been writing on here probably that long. So
now I need to pursue those two pieces of clues as to what I was doing on April
9 , 2011.
Well looking back
at April 9 th , this is what I found . Apparently I didn’t have any camera in
my hand that day and had no entries on Facebook for that time. But I did for days
prior to and after that. But it just gave me a clue as to what it was I am
looking for and that was the reason I started the book. And I am most positive it
had to do with a dad issue the first one. Anyhow as I check this out and
finally finuish the story I intend to take you along on my ramblings for ther
next couple of days and finally finish an unused title and start to a book I never
finished. (to be cont. )
Pics taken around 4-9-2011:
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