cold enough to freeze the balls off a brass monkey

The Freezing Full Moon Nudist Camp

now who would go climbing hills in the buff? 

       So you head south on St. Rte. 250 till you come to St. Rt. 21 at Strasburg make a right , head on south on 21 to I-77 and  make  a right and head south to Newcomerstown exit, make right on St. Rt. 36 ramp , and at bottom of ramp make a left onto St. rt. 36 east to Dennison and Uhrichsville and on the right up there was a road that took you to what I call the Full Moon Nudist camp.

      No folks I have no use for a nudist camp myself, but instead when I was working for Scumburger I ended up in one anyhow. Too bad it was the middle of winter and too bad the snow was on the ground and mud abounded where trucks were being pulled in and out with dozers , it was still an experience I have never been able to relive since then, and in fact I never even realized up to that point when they sent me out there in 1978 that a nudist camp even existed in Ohio.  Thinking we were way to prudish for even considering that and as fickle as our weather is , I mean as soon as you get naked and start a strutting, one of those famous Ohio storms would come rolling along and douse you with cold rain and some snotty ice and make you with draw into a more comfortable inner sanctum, or at the very least send you in search of your clothes.

      Still here I was as I drove down the pine tree lane with another name at the gate like Paradise Glens, but the street address and the information on the cheat sheet handed to me by the dispatcher no doubt left me to wonder little that I indeed had the right place. I looked around for anyone on this cold dreary gray day and found little movement as I sat and waited for the dozer to show up. I was amazed as it was pretty heavily forested and you couldn’t see any other houses besides the main cottage . They had dressing rooms, and her and his out houses. Wait I said in my mind.

      What do you need outhouses for in a nudist colony I thought right off? I mean after all isn’t it supposed to liberate you, get you back to nature , and wouldn’t you just quietly wander over behind a bush someplace and just drop a load? I guess not. I imagined later that if that was the case it would be a whole lot worse than having dogs run loose. Besides all the guys would probably hang around and measure the length and breadth of your personal product just to size you up or make comments about what you were eating. Just in case you decide to visit a nudist colony I would lay o0ff the curry before visiting a place like this .

     Finally my dozer shows up and pulls me onto the drill site just beyond the nudist camp. Here I was able to glean some more information from the drill hands as to what this place was all about. I asked them if they saw anything strange or out of the way. One looked at me kinda strange and smiled a toothless smile and said, “Like did we see any neked ladies.” I said yeah that would be a start, he flashed his grin back at me and said “You are dumber than you look, and just special kinds of stupid aren’t you?” I admitted I was only after encouraging him to tell me all he saw. I mean after all who doesn’t want to know the dirt about a nudist colony in the winter. He said “Its cold outside, been snowing since we got here. Haven’t seen anyone except some righand said he knocked at the door of the office and some old lady that looked like that old lady in Playboy with boobs down to her knees answered the door neked and he used the phone and went on about his way. That’s all anyone has seen. By the way blue boy anyone ever tell you it was winter”. That is what they called us on the rigs as we had to wear blue overalls to match our blue truck and guess what I even have blue eyes. Imagine that an oilfield worker color coordinated. It looked great with brown mud head to toe.

      We had just received our first truck in from Texas with a radio telephone. The radio telephone much like a cell phone today, except that it worked on two way radio wave signal out of a central facility. Now there was no excuse for us not calling in after a job. As they would call us where ever we were. But it also gave us a chance to talk to friends while doing a job. I had never called anybody before and decided to call my friend Dwayne and I picked up the phone off the cradle and waited for the operator to come on and she did promptly and asked the number. I told her and in seconds I had clear line to my friend as I explained I was doing a job in the middle of a nudist colony. Of course his first words were don’t you know it is in the middle of winter what are you going to see , I said trees. I told him just think of it we can come back here in the spring and enjoy ourselves. He said really!!!! I thought for a second as to what it would look like dragging a friend to a nudist colony, and then I thought about what it would be like to drag your best girl to a nudist colony and neither of those thoughts turned out any better than what it would be like to not have outhouses in a nudist camp and told him forget it. We talked a few about what it was like and hung up.

     Soon the dozer showed up and dragged me out to the road and soon I was heading north on a back country road no doubt under the watchful eyes of bigfoot or the sasquatch of the Newcomerstown –Uhrichsville area, a legend that persist that says someone had saw bigfoot in that area, and I could imagine my very first experience being nude at the Full Moon Nudist camp as I am driving down the road. As here I am sheepishly stepping out of a changing room only to be greeted by a somewhat gay Sasquatch as I run for my life to get away from him. I think the Full Moon Nudist camp has went on the by and by over the years with name changes and I think now it is a Christian retreat, having seen the light of knowing what clothes will do for a business especially in the wintertime when you have nothing but a halo to hide your shame.