The Beginning of the
End
I arrived at
the hospital and Mona looked a little green in the gills as she sat there in
the chair and filled out the papers releasing her from the torturous hell she
was just through. She could barely walk, and as is hospital procedure, they
helped her out to the car in a wheel chair, and she uncomfortably fell into the
seat. I helped her straighten up and we started driving home neither of us saying much till we had left the
hustle and bustle of the city behind , she turned away from me and tried to
rest her head against the side of the door and just sleep her way out of the
nightmare. We drove in silence.
After about an
hour of driving she informed me she needed to go to the bathroom. I exited the interstate
and found a gas station as she didn’t want anything to eat as she was still nauseous,
she just needed a bathroom. I helped her into the gas station bathroom and waited
as she went about her business. She looked like hell to say the least, as the
ordeal had taken its toll on her. I asked if she was ok upon her coming out of
the bathroom, and she said she was still passing blood but they said that
should quit soon, and that they had checked her out thoroughly and she seemed
to be ok.
When we were
back on the road she seemed to be more alert and I asked her how they did what
they did. I knew they were using saline injections but knew little beyond that.
She said when they started the procedure they basically take these large
hypodermics and inject saline solution directly into the fetus from outside her
stomach till it dies and aborts. The saline won’t hurt the mother as it is
expelled through the uterus but the fetus can only take so much and then it
expires and then they administer drugs like oxytocin to start premature
expulsion of the fetus and complete the abortion. She said it felt like her
insides were tearing out and it nauseated her really bad causing her to throw
up. But she said you needed to keep the toilet clean as that is where the fetus
was going to end up and that they would retrieve it from there and eventually
dispose of it. After about 4 or five injections she said she felt like the
fetus or baby was coming and ran for the toilet and it delivered into the
toilet. I am telling you this as she told me and never have I related this
story to anyone but one friend and wish I never did as he blabbed to her sister
about it. She said she had to look at the fetus, or baby and it was fairly well
formed enough to determine it was a male child. This little bit of information I
could have done without as it killed me deep inside. A little piece of me died right there, so to
speak quite literally and figuratively.
A nurse came in
and retrieved the fetus from the toilet and disposed of it with little fanfare
and attended to Mona who was still having contractions that were doubling her
up. She said the cramps continued for another 2 hours and finally subsided as well
the blood had also slowed. She said that they said she would spot blood for a week
or two, then start cycling normally after a month or two. She turned to the
window with her back towards me and sat with her arms clenching her stomach for
the rest of the ride home, not saying much. I went as fast as I safely could
wanting to put this behind me, until at last I pulled into her drive. Luckily
no one was home and I helped her up stairs to her bedroom, and then to the
shower and back to bed. She promised to call me if anything was wrong but that
she needed to sleep and heal. She called the next day saying all was fine and she
felt better.
We would get
together but not as frequently as before and birth control was used but things
were not the same, and soon we were slipping apart. I confided to her brother
in law what had happened and he told her sister and that was the beginning of
the end for us as she claimed to have lost trust in me. To me it was a heavy
burden we were both carrying and I don’t know about her but for me it was
eating me live, as well I could feel her avoiding me and it was affecting our
relationship. I made her brother in law promise to not say anything, but
apparently he felt the burden to big also.
The end came when after a night of my getting
drunk and not being able to see her I was determined to find her, and I am sure
I did. I stood outside the house she was house sitting at the time, and
screamed at her to let me in, as I knew she had another guy there with her. Before
the cops showed up, I thought I better get out of there, after making an ass
out of myself , so I started down the road in another car I had recently
bought, as my VW had caught fire and
burned completely to the ground shortly after returning from our trip to new York
. I guess it was further penance and hardship for what we had done, anyhow I had
bought this Olds Cutlass and it went 100mph like nothing. I was pissed when I left
the house and I flew down the road punching down the accelerator and glancing
for a second at the speedometer as it started to climb, as I did I dropped a
tire off the side of the road and shit myself. Literally and not actually as I fought
to keep the car from pulling further off the road , bringing it back on the
road and crossing the centerline and finally stopping in the middle of the road
on a pitch black night in the middle of nowhere. I sat in the car for a minute
and looked around; I finally get out and thanked whoever was with me for
allowing me to live. I felt like that guardian angel that had just allowed me
to live at that time gave up on me and
climbed outside that car that night opting to walk instead, as it was a lot
safer than riding with me. Lessons for me were coming hard to learn lately, but
I learned that night, I did. I learned no woman is worth it. I thought I met a
few since then, but still I don’t think any of them is worth me taking my life.
As easily as I slipped off that road, I should have been dead, but like I say
somehow I lived to write another day, and I tell you as is sit here now. I never
have placed myself in that situation since, I never was that mad again, opting
instead to walk away and let things work out whatever way they will.
I gave up on Mona
that night and no matter what she could try, I was never going to let myself go
there again. We saw each other only to give her back some of her things and I think
she wanted more, but I just couldn’t. There was way too much bad water under
that bridge. I always wondered how her life went. I did all I could to support
her when she needed me most hoping she would see what kind of a guy I was , it
still didn’t matter, and don’t think it would. If we were together, we would
always have to think about what we did together and never be able to forget. Maybe
she has peace with her soul and it doesn’t bother her, but still I have moments
and think what if?
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