misteakes i have had a few

Come on So Obvious!

       When I started writing the blog I just wrote kinda like Forest Gump did in the movie as Tom Hanks portrayed him. He talks about running and says I run, I run so fast and so far, in fact I just went on running. Or something like that, as I am not really quoting, but more remembering. He ran across the country with no particular purpose and lately in some respects my blogs have been doing the same as I work myself through my timeline as now I remember days of when I visited places like Malabar farms with my friend Woody. This brings back a lot of memories. We discussed some major issues back then and how they affected my life to date. The ramifications of some of those decisions still weigh heavily on my mind, and this is if I could have had it any other way. But back to the blog as I was beginning to write today I open up my word program as usual and just continue where I left off. I do this by just spacing on down the page and figuring my title or what direction I plan on going to this day. So many times I open this and for some reason I can pick out a mistake so obvious I say to myself , that no matter what tools I use I still need an editor or someone to run this thing by, just to see how they feel or to catch the obvious.

     I think all writers need to have an editor or proofreader, I mean I can pick apart grammatical errors and wording that in my opinion just plain sucks to no end, when it is someone else’s work. But mine seems to be held harmless, or is that I have worked hard to get it this well, why look anymore. I don’t know but time after time I see mistakes so obvious, I think I need an editor who works as cheap as I do. Anyone out there want to help out a struggling author trying to take his work to the next step.  Get ahold of me at kdavis3051@yahoo.com and I will be glad to consider your opinions and try and work with you and will mention you as editor. All this can be done on the web with me sending you a file and you sending it back with comments and I will make changes before posting in my blog. The payment is you are first to see, if that is a payment, and also recognition as I will mention you in my blog.  

     As I am writing this time line I had a personal side to my life at the same time I worked for the various companies. A woman I met in college and will call her Mona to protect her identity. And although not this Mona, I knew a Mona in school and had her in a lot of classes, great looking woman and I graduated with her , this is not her. The only thing Mona of then and this Mona had in common was the letter M, and both were great looking as you are when you are young. The Mona I knew was from the Akron area and lived in a small rural town just outside the Akron- Barberton city limits. She was a horse woman, or she was in the equine management class at ATI, the college we both attended in Wooster Ohio. I had met her at a party and then ran into her at the post office in the trailer park where we both happened to live. She had a beautiful smile and sexy voice and we became more than friends, and at some point in our relationship I became too possessive of her and this turned her away , but not before she told me she was pregnant.

     People may hate me and sometime I can beat myself up for it but I am going to tell you about this part of my life I am not particularly proud of. And that was what to do now that she is pregnant. I was proud and hoped that this might mean that we could take the next step in our relationship at the time, as I was in love with her and wanted her for myself. It was my first real relationship with a woman and she was all I could think of. That was my first impression and then she told me that she didn’t really want a baby or go through a pregnancy as she had things she wanted to do with her life and that having a baby really didn’t fit into the plan. I was kind of stunned at what she was saying and how it affected me.

     Not knowing what to say and starting to realize the idea of what she was implying was that Mona had wanted an abortion. We were both still in college, I had some savings and cows I could sell to pay for the procedure, I started trying to figure out what an abortion was all about, and so I visited my friend Woody , and Woody basically advised me to do whatever the woman wants.  That is what I had to, as it was her right to control what happens to her body. And if Mona wanted an abortion to do whatever it takes to make it happen. After all, even though we were in college at the time, neither of us was prepared to make a home and that we had so much life to live and that we didn’t need to be tied down.

      He told me of his love for his son and how much he meant to him and that Woody, who was then divorced and was making his support payments, and was going to college also and working when he could. He said if he had it to do all over again, he doesn’t know if he would have brought his own son into the world, if he had known he would never be married and have to be put through the hassle of being a dad, and not being there for his son when he needed him most. He told me if she has doubts about you and she obviously did, or else why would she want an abortion instead of wanting to be with me, then I should carefully consider doing what she wants. At that time I had no rights till the child was born and I could be proven by blood type that it was my child. If they would even allow me to, I think the courts back then hardly even viewed parental rights of a father to even be valid as a means of starting a court action.

      Today with DNA testing, it is possible to prove if they wanted to, prior to birth, the heredity of the unborn child and comparing DNA’s of the father with the child by tissue samples, or blood. With that information I could have forced my hand in court to make her give birth to the child. I think considering the circumstances and the fact that here I am 58 going on 59 and still have no children of my own that I have to leave my fate up to karma. It is biting me in the ass and eliminating my DNA from the earth, and I accept it. It is my penance for making a decision to do nothing but support someone I cared about.

      When I say I have no particular place to go with these timeline stories, but I do. I am reliving some of the most haunting moments of my psyche. Those things I try to push back hoping early onset of Alzheimer’s will forever ease my mind with the burdens of remembering things better left forgotten. Maybe by some miracle that what I am telling you, my readers, that it will resonate in your mind and help you understand possibly what your son or a young friend is going through. I will relate to you this experience of what I am not at the least proud to tell you of, and what effects it has had on my life. Tomorrow.