ucky business- sexing ducks

The trouble with ucks

d---s in background 

       Undoubtedly that isn’t a typo but instead has to deal with 3 letters usually as a suffix after another consonant or two. It could easily turn into a verb and conjure up all types of images and then by changing that first letter they seem to have the ability be able to get you in trouble just as simply with the addition of a s and now you have suck. Seemingly worse combinations can be conjured up. I am not in the uck business and also let it be known I am not in the duck business. I just had a lonely duck that needed a mate, not a flock. 2 ducks are plenty and entertaining but a bit bitchy at supper time. Never failing to inform what time it was as they hung by my door to let me know it was feeding time. Like clockwork they would both show up at the door and then do the duck walk all the way to the pond. all the time quacking and diving into the water to just spin around in time and shake off the water and watch as I toss their duck food onto the water.

      To spend a few minutes doing something that makes you smile as I commune with nature. What could be better?  Sorry world I don’t need your approval and you know what I didn’t miss you when I was feeding them , you were nothing right then ,  and why because of those 2 ducks and how they made me feel. You should try it. Was great. And yes I want more.

       I didn’t want the one duck to be alone and selling her wasn’t an option. I looked at baby ducks and I think they had a minimum and I it would take a while for them to accept each other. Trying to find one duck was the answer. I placed an ad in craigslist, and then went to Mt. Hope auction when my regular plans didn’t work out. Came back and wrote the story about ducks after that.

      Was really thankful for the reader support and they seem to have liked it.  Had one reader named anonymous, seems strange as it is always anonymous, just like it was always Marcia when it was the Brady’s, sorry  kinda got sidetracked a little , but anonymous goes on to say and I quote her response directly as it was sent to me in my email , this I thought I would share with all of you:

Ten bucks for a d---?
That doesn't s---!
Unless...this thought just str---.

Did you get a male d---?
Cuz you have a lonely female and without a mate she's st---.
A new d--- she can't even f---?
What rotten l---!
And that would make you somewhat of a schm---.
Yeah, now that would s---.

    Since I believe in good journalism and believe that there are always creative choices to commonly used profanity I simply removed the ucks. It is an ucky business but someone has to do it. If you are unsure of a certain word simply insert an uck and I am sure you instantly recognize what anonymous was trying to say in her return to my limerick. It was great. And thanks anonymous.

    So I wrote back and thanked her and kinda explained why I didn’t know if it was a male or not:

well dont know if i am a schmuck with a lame duck as i only know with chickens you turn them over and squeeze their butts to sex them, so i am sure a duck is similar but if you have ever heard the term loose as a goose , well a duck isn't much better, and squeezing a duck hard enough to sex it,  may be a little more than i can handle , in fact may be dangerous and done with at least with your mouth closed and safety glasses on. think i will just have to take my chances and see if i can pick them right. lol loved your letter 

, and then she wrote back to me and this response is here:

  

Oh hey,
Glad you liked my response about the d---.
For the record I've never thought you were a schm---.
Just a decent, hard-working H---.
And I also didn't know d--- genitalia was somewhere up in a t---.
That if you tried to check it you'd risk a faceful of m---?
D--- m---.
Ewww...y---!
 
And you'd like to use my response in your blog...awww, sh---s.
 

    Now folks I am tongue tied, I am sure that some of it was due to the ucks but I am surprised someone took the time to carry on for my entertainment. It was great and it is always great to inspire people to write back to me I appreciate it and hope to continue on, as I do, or maybe a little better. Always room for improvement, at least till you die anyhow. Think I will give up then.