Ch.42
I"m Not Going To Take This Crap Anymore
I awoke to the sun streaming through the
front window of the road warrior and a pounding on the door. I looked outside
and saw a uniformed officer waiting at the door and another beside the cruiser
that undoubtedly brought them here. I hurried and slipped my shorts on over my
boxers, grabbed a t-shirt and answered the door.
“Can I help you sir?
The officer said. “Yeah it seems as if you
have something oozing from your trailer and it doesn’t smell very pleasant. In
fact I would say it smells a lot like piss and shit.”
I returned questioning. “Really? I opened the door more and stepped out on to
blacktopped parking lot of the Wal-Mart. and looked and sure enough a trail of
ooze stretched all the way back from the trailer and under the Road Warrior and
down into a storm drain in the parking lot .
Trying to act innocent I said I we had to
do some emergency repairs on the Road Warrior having drove through a firestorm
and having the motorhome catch fire . Maybe one of our connections broke or
something,” I said.
“Well the manager reported the spill to us and
asked that you would clean up your mess and leave as soon as possible. Do you
have some way of doing that or shall we call in someone to do that for you?”
The officer asked.
“Well I have water in storage on board,
enough to finish flushing to the drain , and we are her planning on getting the
Road Warrior fixed right and planned on spending a couple of days here till it
was done so we could move on. I forget the name of the RV dealership we were
going to but it is close. Anyhow I will clean up the mess or have someone out
here shortly to do it for us if we have too. We are sorry. We made some
temporary repairs and then we headed for this area to make the final repairs.”
I said
“I
will have to take your name and I will need to see your driver’s license.” the
officer stated.
The other officer who was leaning against
the cruiser came over and asked how we managed to beat up this RV so bad . I explained we were caught in a forest fire
and that we had sustained damage as I tried to drive through the fire. That I had to put the fire out, and by the time
I finished telling them about the flannel pajamas and how Darla was so upset
they were almost in tears laughing at what I did. They said forget the driver’s
license and that there would be no report as long as it is all cleaned up , and
they also said they understood that flannel to women is like body armor . Anyhow
they had a good laugh at Darla’s expense and took down the plate numbers of the
Road Warrior noting I was from Ohio, and asked why we ended up there. And I
told him of our trip to see the Sequoias and then they wished us luck and drove
off.
I still get a little paranoid when I see
cops and know I am carrying pot on board. I went back inside and put on my
sandals and woke Darla up and told her we needed to get moving and explained
about the spill .
She explained to me she had to go to the bathroom
bad and that she wondered if it was alright if she used the bathroom.
I said, “No. 1 or 2?”
Darla said. “I don’t know which Guy; till
I go, sometimes it is both, what’s the difference.”
“Well one lays on the pavement in a pile
and the other washes down a storm grate. Maybe you had better go inside the Wal-Mart
to be safe.”
“But I haven’t had a shower, coffee or messed
with my hair.”
“Darla I don’t think we should be picky here.
I have only enough water to wash the mess we have now down the drain, let alone
try to scoot some droppings across the tarmac. Why am I having this discussion?
Darla please go inside, and I will make you some coffee. First I am going
outside and do my best to clean things and you get ready to take this thing to
the RV dealership. I don’t want this to turn into a bigger problem please.”
“Oh ok.” Darla said. “Can you please make some coffee first?” She
said as she stood there in her flannel nightie. The idea of her wanting to do
the inexplicable and expecting me to clean up after her was a little too much.
If coffee was all it took to motivate her across the parking lot and into the Wal-Mart
so that she could make up her mind if it’s one or two or both, well coffee is
the least I could do. So I said yes and I will make coffee and you hurry so we
can dump this thing at the RV dealership and let them handle it from there. I damn
tired of this shit, so to speak. We need to get it fixed right. And I don’t
need the cops back here looking around. I have no medical marijuana card and can
be prosecuted for crossing state lines with marijuana and that is a felony.
Darla said. “Oh-h-h -ok I will hurry. Hate to see you go
to jail especially over something like this may take some explaining. “She
chuckled.
I made her some coffee and took time to
get a cup myself before heading out the door to do my unpleasant task.
I head outside and hook up the garden hose
and start flushing the runoff from the tank toward the drain hoping I have
enough water on board as there are no water hydrants to pull any from. Already the
stench had attracted a horde of flies and I washed all of it including the
flies and the crap into the bay. Next I look at the spill and where it is
coming from and notice the valve on the tank had been opened. I knew I
threatened to do that but never did, and in fact ran a zip tie through the
valve preventing it from being opened. The zip tie lay on the ground underneath
the trailer. I sprayed the effluent off of it and examined it and it looked as though
I it had been cut.
What is this? And who keeps screwing with us?
Doesn’t make any sense, I said to myself as I notice that Darla is scurrying
across the parking lot and hurrying into the Wal-Mart. I imagine myself as the brother
in law to Chevy Chase in National Lampoon’s ‘Christmas Story’, as he dumps his
radioactive waste down the residential sewer. This is what I am doing. Only I
am not poor but instead driving a one hundred and thirty five thousand dollar
Road Warrior that looks like I took the short cut to hell and back and had seen
better days and have over a million in the bank and yet I am standing here in a
Wal-Mart parking lot washing do-do down the drain. All because someone has it
in for us, when is the madness ever going to end?
Darla returned as I was running out of
water and I asked if she was ready to head to the RV dealership and to a hotel.
And she said never too soon for me. I hate public restrooms.
I packed all I had taken out to wash the
pavement and headed for the RV dealership. I looked in the rear view monitor as
I left the place and nothing was left but a wet spot, and at that not really
the kind I like to leave when sleeping with a woman I don’t know that well.
I wheeled
the Road Warrior into Big Dan’s RV dealership and thought how ironic is that,
first I have Dealing Dan selling us the Road Warrior and now on the other side
of the country we have Big Dan selling the same thing. Maybe a conspiracy I
said to myself as I pulled up in front of the dealership, in front of a whole
row of new Road Warriors and stopped in front of the service area. A service man ran out and asked what we were
going to want to do to this wreck we had.
I admit the Road Warrior was looking a
little pale faced but it had lived up to its expectation’s by delivering us
through the gates of hell to make it here , but to call it a wreck may be a
little harsh. Besides he doesn’t really
know who we were or how much we are willing to pay, to get this thing restored
to its original condition.
I simply told him to fix it. All of it and make it look like those
shiny new ones and don’t worry about the cost as it is all covered by insurance, And to do it as soon as possible. And if they
can’t do it then I will take it somewhere else.
Well let me check. The Road Warrior has a
computer service base of all Road Warriors sold and by entering your VIN
numbers I can tell when it was made and the availability of parts and give you
a rough estimate of what it would cost to repair.
Forget all that just fix the damn thing I said.
We don’t have time to sit around and we are heading to a hotel. An Enterprise
rental car rolled up and the driver steps out and asked for Darla Goins as I
was talking to the service manager, I indicated she was with me and that if he
would wait a sec, I would be right with him. I continued with the service
manager.
“So are you going to fix it or what.” I asked
“Let me take it back to our service
department and we will get in touch with you.”
I
handed him a business card of my carving business. And told him to work up a
bill and get back to me. We need to move fast on this if it is at all possible.
I figured it would take a week to a week and a half to finish bringing the Road
Warrior back to its original shape, considering how these places operate. If
not we can always access the equipment we need and take the rental car out to
Sequoia National park.
I said to the Enterprise agent. “I will
check and see if Darla is ready, and grab our bags, we have to drop you off at
the agency where this car came from.
Right?”
“Yes sir.” the young looking he-she as you
couldn’t really tell what it was underneath the sheep’s clothing said. I looked
for boobs and didn’t notice any but the gothic haircut and nose rings led me to
believe it may be human. But it was a little hard to tell.
Darla appeared at the door to the Road Warrior
as if on cue , and said “My chariot awaits.” and then she continued on. “Guy I
went ahead and packed your bags as I was waiting on our car to arrive. Just
took everything out of the drawers. But you may want to add a few things.”
At this I hurried through the Road Warrior
and soon had everything Darla may have forgotten or purposely left behind
including my stash along with Debs that she gave me, and was soon piling the
bags into the trunk of the car. The he –she climbed into the back seat and I drove
as Darla rode in the front with me.
I asked the he-she for directions and he-she
instructed me to put the address of the Enterprise rental place into the on
board navigation system and it would tell me where to go. Well since I had been
to hell with Darla once, I figured navigating the streets of San Francisco
should be a breeze. Soon we were passing trolley cars as they ascended the tall
hills around San Francisco. Orders of turn right here and you are entering a
parking service garage, indicated we had reached our first destination to let
off the he –she, after a signature on the rental agreement. He-she told us the address of the hotel where we had
reservations as he or she checked it out on his smart phone, and it was just
down the street. It was the Sheraton in
downtown San Francisco. I thanked him or her and was soon was back out into the
street and after a couple of blocks was in at our hotel.
We checked in after parking the Ford Fusion
in the parking deck, headed straight to our adjoining rooms and when I finally
opened the door to my suite and couldn’t believe the view of downtown San
Francisco. The Iconic Transamerica Life Insurance building and the Golden Gate
bridge all loomed in the distance through the windows to our rooms , as we were
afforded one of the best views that San Francisco has to offer. I collapsed on
to my bed after unloading Darla’s luggage in her room first. My bags could wait;
I was going to de-stress by taking me a nap, and then would worry about the
world and all its problems later. I fell asleep fast.
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